Published on September 18th, 2012 | by Chris6
Invasion USA (1985)
(Reviewed as part of the Worst War Movies Challenge)
Remember when Chuck Norris made awesome movies?
Yeah, me either. But that's not the point. The point is I have to flee to Canada now so Chuck won't find me for that statement. No.
The real point is that Invasion USA doesn't have a point. Except to be a Chuck Norris vehicle of destruction. I guess you could even classify this as a "cold war" movie. Sort of.
See, there's this Russian mob guy, Rostov (Richard Lynch), who starts off the film in a bad drug deal gone worse. Then, suddenly, and without reason (that I could see, maybe I blinked) he's leading an army of ragtag russian thugs in an amphibious landing in south Florida.
Where, as luck would have it, one former "agency" (I don't think they said which one) man Matt Hunter (Chuck!) is wrastling gators in the Florida swamp. Which, of course, is what Chuck does in his spare time. Turns out that Rostov and Hunter are old friends, I mean, enemies. He's drawn kicking and screaming back into the fight after Rostov finds his swampy house (how? I dunno, does it matter?) and destroys it and his pet armadillo. (one of the better points of the film.)
The rest of the film chronicles the advance of these Russian thugs as they rape and pillage their way from the 'glades to Atlanta. Blowing up innocent middle class suburban houses with a rocket launcher. Seriously. With Chuck in hot pursuit. I know I'd seen this at some point in my past, as the truck chase through the shopping mall scene rang familiar for some reason....
But leave it to good old Chuck, I mean Hunter to dispatch Rostov (point blank with a rocket launcher, didn't even get any on his shirt!) to end the movie. Well, the entire tank column might have helped some. That surrounded the ONE building where ALL the baddies went into. Yeah, what?
I see this movie gets a lot of good reviews. Really? Are you kidding me? I think these people are just afraid of the Norris mythos. That he'll show up on their doorstep, "Uh, did you rate my movie as bad?" and then destroy them Chuck Norris-style. Honestly it is schlock after schlock, written by 14 year olds for 14 year olds. I facepalmed through about half of it. It might have been better, if there had been some reason for this invasion.... But like I said, I didn't see it. Maybe I blinked or forgot to pause it while I got a drink or something?
Good thing I have a few more of Chuck's films up my sleeve for this!!!
I have to give it one full star, though, just because its so hilarious at times. Not even in a tongue-in-cheek "No we aren't serious" kind of way, but in a "I can't believe somebody wrote this" kind of way.
Don't believe me? Here! Enjoy!
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Chuck Norris himself cowrote Invasion U.S.A., a movie that's partly a right-wing paranoid fantasy and partly a prescient vision of contemporary terrorism. A Soviet superagent named Rostov leads an invasion of guerrilla squads who, after landing in Florida, spread throughout the U...
DVD InformationBinding: DVD
Aspect Ratio: 1.85:1
Audience Rating: R (Restricted)
Manufacturer: MGM (Video & DVD)
Original Release Date:
- Chuck Norris
- Richard Lynch
- Melissa Prophet
- Alexander Zale
- Alex Colon
- Factory sealed DVD